22. The Exorcist

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Prattle Disclaimers
-Written for entertainment purposes only
-Includes excerpts from my comedy routine
-Provides my humorous observations of two true stories
-Self deprecating humor is my schick
-Not meant to be taken seriously
-Names are omitted to protect the innocent (and the guilty)
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Now that I'm old enough to officially qualify for senior citizen discounts I find myself often times reviewing and analyzing my life. I am of the belief that there are specific "moments" in time where the course of a person's life is changed forever. In some cases these life changing "moments" are unpleasant experiences that can haunt people for the rest of their lives.

There are even groups of people who think these haunting memories are actually caused by demons who enter a person's body and raise havoc with their minds.

I can't say I believe in the concept of demons but every time I hear the word "demons" I can't help but think of the 1973 movie titled "The Exorcist." This movie really spooked me at the time.....couldn't get the scary scenes out of my head......still gives me the "willies" just thinking about it again......many more movies about demons have been released since "The Exorcist" but I have refused to go and see any of them..... that includes the new one that is out now titled "The Rite"....no need for new nightmares at the Playground...

The reason I mention this movie is because during my weekly therapy sessions I always talk about the memories of two bad experiences in my life that continually haunt me. I have always called these bad memories my "demons." My therapist has never referred to these disturbing memories as "demons" but that is the term I like to use to describe them. I have always thought that these two bad "moments" also played a very important role in determining my lot in life...these memories are so vivid that I still see them in color....

My therapist always stresses to me that I need to figure out a way to face up to my demons / bad memories and remove them from my mind.



How am I going to do it?



After all these years of battling these two demons I finally came up with a very simple process that would hopefully remove these disturbing thoughts from my head once and for all. The requirements of this process are as follows:

1. Document the details of my two bad experiences

2. Analyze how these two experiences changed my life

3. Go through an official ritual that will remove these demons

Using the demon analogy my cleansing process could possibly be called a "poor man's" exorcism. However, based on my earlier comments about the movie, "The Exorcist" you can rest assured that my exorcism will definitely be classified as a "milk toast" version....there will be no spinning heads....no levitation off the bed.....no blood....no screams.....no priests...



No need for this fella





Not included in my version



In order to fulfill the requirements of my exorcism-lite process I must provide the details of my two bad experiences and explain how they affected my life. I have therefore documented all of the required information in this prattle. In order to make this information easier to understand I have divided it into the following four sections:


Section #1 - Overview of the "Moments in Time"

-Two specific "moments" in my life have haunted me forever
-The course of my life was changed by these two "moments":
-Amazingly both of these "moments" happened at the same location
-Experience # 1 - March 11, 1972 (true story)
-Experience # 2 - March 7, 1976 (true story)


Section 2 - "Moment #1" - Details
My 1972 Zumbrota High School (Tigers) basketball team was riding high as we headed over to St. Olaf College in Northfield, MN on a very snowy night in March.....my teammates and I were scheduled to play the hated Waseca Blue Jays in the District 4 championship basketball game.

The calm before the storm

My Tigers had a very gaudy record of 22-0 and were the consensus pick by all of the experts to go to the State Basketball Tournament that year....everything appeared to be in order.....ranked #1 in the district and in the region.....ranked #17 overall in the state (all schools - large and small) ......victory number 23 was only 32 minutes away......a  large crowd of very confident Zumbrota fans filled Skogland Athletic Center on the campus of St. Olaf College.......


Sidebar #1: The game photos included in this section are authentic....courtesy of a neighbor in Zumbrota who was into photography at the time...my Tigers are in the red uniforms....#43 is yours truly.

The Place is Packed

An overflow crowd of approximately 2,500 people were in the house.....fans who couldn't get a seat in the arena watched the game on closed circuit TV in another part of the field house.....the atmosphere was electric......this was only the second year of the 2-class system so the state high school basketball tournament was still a big deal back then (as opposed to the current 4-class watered down system that is being used today)

There was no cable TV...no Internet....no cell phones.....what else was there to do in a small town but follow the local high school sports teams and go to their games?.......everyone and their brother had jumped on the bandwagon of the undefeated Zumbrota Tigers.....people who had not been to a game in years were at this game....it was truly a BIG game at the time....

Zumbrota Bandwagon

Waseca jumped out to an early lead and the Tigers were playing "tight"....the mounting pressure to win was affecting their play.....the Tigers were having a tough time scoring.....Waseca was playing very well.......my Tigers were down 8 points late in the game.....things looked pretty bleak for the good guys.....however the Tigers staged a furious rally in the closing minutes of the game....



Tigers finally come to life



Hope is alive....


As I was frantically running up and down the court in those closing minutes I had no idea how this one game was going to affect my entire life.......in simple terms the result of this game was going to answer the question...."Is my future behind Door #1 or Door #2?"......


WIN THE GAME - GO TO DOOR #1 .....Tigers win the Region tournament and advance to the State High School Basketball Tournament....I get to play in hallowed Williams Arena....my self esteem and confidence grow exponentially with each win.....my Tigers win the state tournament.....receive statewide exposure....numerous college scholarship offers are presented.....become a household name.... Paul Peterson basketball camps are everywhere....... countless opportunities are knocking at my door.....great career options are given to me.....fame and fortune are mine....an exciting and rewarding lifestyle awaits...



My Office

 


My house and car

 

Paul Peterson Basketball Camps

 

LOSE THE GAME....GO TO DOOR #2...my season is over.....my high school basketball career comes to an abrupt end......my self esteem is as low as it can go......my confidence disappears....my swagger is gone forever.....depression sets in.....deemed a failure..... called a choker......the doors to countless opportunities are slammed shut....fade away into obscurity ....no Paul Peterson basketball camps anywhere...... have to fend for myself.....forced to muddle through life on my own......a very predictable and dull lifestyle awaits...

My House....(I will be taking the bus)

My Cubicle



Jeff McCarron's (not my) Basketball Camps*



*Sidebar #2 - Jeff McCarron was a star high school basketball player for a very small town high in Minnesota named Sherburn. Jeff's Sherburn team won the 1970 Minnesota State High School basketball tournament. This was the last year of the one class tournament so for a small town like Sherburn to win the state championship was a huge deal back then....so do you think Jeff would have basketball camps all over the state of Minnesota if his team didn't make it to the state tournament?....I think not....I rest my case....(look behind Door #1....google Janet Karvonen)

I'm sure you have already guessed what happened.....yes, WE LOST THE GAME.....which of course meant my life was now going to follow the path described behind Door #2...not that this was going to be a terrible life (see Prattle #21 - It's a Wonderful Life)....just not nearly as good as it could have been.....it was mind boggling to realize that my entire future was determined by a group of 17 year old kids trying to throw a round ball through an iron ring...truly amazing...

Sidebar #3:  We ended up losing the game by the heart breaking score of 60-58. In a mad scramble at the end of the game I actually did manage to make a shot from underneath the basket but it was clearly after the buzzer and of course didn't count .....sort of like how my life has gone since....too little.....too late.

Oh so close....

Too late.....game over


In the movie Magnum Force Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood) pretty much summed up what I needed to understand about life behind Door #2 ..

" A man has to know his limitations"

My body language on the picture provided below says it all......to this day when people in Zumbrota talk about this game they simply refer to it as "That Night.".....or "The Night the Music Died" (my apologies to Buddy Holly).


It's Over!!

The haunting memory of this "life changing moment" became the #1 demon in my life. After battling this demon for close to 40 years I finally felt I was ready to confront it and remove it from my mind.

Full Disclosure: I was MIA "that night"....I did absolutely nothing to help my team.....a very disapointing performance on my part......my face was on a milk carton during the game.....I have no one other than myself to blame for this life changing loss.


Section 3 - "Moment #2" Preface 
I must preface my second "life changing moment" by pointing out that during my childhood years I developed some serious insecurities about my physical appearance. My friends always teased me about the size of my very large head, my extremely fat lips, my ugly buck teeth and of course the cavernous gap between my two front teeth. 

As you will see things started out bad for me.....

Early signs of trouble

....and things didn't improve....

Nice Head....Nice Lips

.....they only got worse....


Nice Teeth


Needless to say I lacked confidence in myself due to all of my very unattractive body parts. This low self esteem of course caused me to be very shy and insecure around other people.

Section 4 - "Moment #2" - Details

My Concordia College (Cobbers) basketball team was playing St.Olaf College (Oles) on a very cold Saturday afternoon in March of 1976 ...believe it or not we were playing in the very same field house where the devastating loss to Waseca had taken place just 4 short years ago.......small crowd on hand.......it was late in the game and the Cobbers were down 10 points.....I got fouled and went to the foul line to shoot 2 free throws...



Stock photo.....sets up the scene


 Sidebar #4: My Concordia road/dark jersey was #25 (wore #24 in the home/white jerseys)....you will soon see why this information is an important part of this story...

 





I took my three dribbles and was about to shoot the first free throw......and then it happened.......

Stock photo used to demonstrate my reaction

........out of the blue a St. Olaf fan yells out in one of those loud deep voices that sounds like it's coming over the public address system......


"HEY 25, YOU'RE UGLY!!!!" (an exact quote)

OH MY!!......yes, that was ME he was referring to.....no one else on the floor was wearing jersey #25......OUCH.....NOW THAT HURT!!..... just to add insult to injury I was also shooting at the same basket where the game ended on "That Night" in 1972....where was Rod Serling hiding?

The extremely loud proclamation from this highly skilled heckler caused me to pause because I noticed that all of my teammates were doubled over trying to suppress their laughter....I tried to appear calm by taking a few more dribbles before I shot.....the only saving grace of this moment is that I did make both free throws..

The damage was done of course.....this was it...finally a firm confirmation of what I saw every time I looked in the mirror.......Yes, I really was UGLY!!....it was now official.....it had been formally announced for all to hear in a public setting....

I must have really looked bad for this guy to feel he had to voice his opinion to the entire crowd....the intense passion in his voice indicated just how ugly he thought I looked.....

This very vocal fan's comment made me think of the old saying...."It's not how you look that is important, it's how you feel.......and I hope you feel good because you look terrible."

By the way, we also lost the game.....nice day huh?

So again this one very short "moment in time" caused my already low self esteem to take another beating......needless to say this comment didn't leave me brimming with confidence......it became pretty obvious that I would never "walk into a party like I was walking onto a yacht"....it was also officially confirmed that I was not the guy Carly Simon was referring to in her hit song from the 70's, "You're So Vain"....

Needless to say this incident had a profound affect on me....this "moment" basically became the key that permanently locked me in behind Door #2.... (see Door #2 details in previous section)....my personality was altered by this fan's comment......look up the words "shy" and "insecure" in the dictionary and you will find a picture of me....(obviously you can also find a picture of me under the word "ugly" as well)... mirrors, cameras and pictures were never going to be my friends.....any possibility of me ever becoming a "ladies man" went down the drain that day....





There will be no "Broadway Palmer"



I feel that my journey down the yellow brick road to bachelorhood actually started right there on the free throw line at St. Olaf college......those bright yellow bricks have been my guide ever since....of course being a full blooded Norwegian also helped push me down that same road....




Follow the Yellow Brick Road


The haunting memory of this "life changing moment" became the #2 demon in my life. After battling this demon for close to 35 years I finally felt I was ready to confront it and remove it from my mind.

Having completed the first two requirements of my cleansing process the only thing left was to perform the exorcism.


The Exorcism - Palmer Style

My "milk toast" version of an exorcism was going to be very simple..... the process would start with my return to Skogland Athletic Center......once I entered the building I would go out on the basketball court....while I was on the court I would complete a very short 8 step process....my belief was that by returning to the scene of these two bad experiences my demons would see that they no longer have a hold over me.....once my demons realized this was the case they would hopefully leave my mind forever...



This is not part of the plan

I wasn't going to look like this.....

My biggest challenge was figuring out a way to get back into the Skogland Athletic Center. I had been unable to attend the Concordia - St. Olaf basketball game this year due to a snow storm so therefore that option was no longer on the table. I also didn't really want to make a special trip to Northfield to attend one of St. Olaf's other scheduled games this winter. I knew that I needed to come up with a better plan.

The best option I could think of was to swing through Northfield on one of my trips to Zumbrota and see if I could somehow get into Skogland. I decided to give this plan a try on a very cold Saturday morning in January.... on my early morning drive to Zumbrota I took the planned detour to Northfield and headed for St. Olaf...... as I made the drive up the big hill to the campus I started to have a very sick feeling in my stomach.....was this going to be a mistake?....would it make matters worse??




I'm baaaaack!


As I pulled into the Skogland Athletic Center parking lot around 9:00 am I could see that things had changed.....a big new recreational facility had been added onto the Skogland field house.....the entrance had also changed...... I wasn't sure where to enter the building....the place looked deserted.....no people around anywhere....by the looks of things it was way too early for this place to be open.....the picture below shows what I encountered that morning....pretty bleak right?....the fact that the temperature was -10 degrees probably helped explain why no one was around....



My House of Horrors

As discouraging as the situation looked I still figured I might as well give it a shot and see if the doors were open....there didn't appear to be a door that took you directly into Skogland anymore.....it looked like you had to enter the new facility and a hallway would take you to the basketball court....much to my surprise the outside door to the new facility was actually open.....I saw no one around once I entered the building so I proceeded down the hall towards the basketball court.....as I turned the corner I couldn't believe my eyes....the doors to the basketball court were wide open...

Oh my....I'm really here

Once I got closer I was absolutely shocked to see that the lights were on and there was not a sole around.....I had the entire place to myself.....it was unbelievable......how could this be?............it was too good to be true......I couldn't have asked for anything better.....obviously there were higher powers at work here....this was the perfect setting......my 8 step process could now hopefully take place uninterrupted.....I knew I needed to work quickly....didn't want to take the risk of being kicked out before I was done.....(note: there are no exaggerations being used in the description of my visit to Skogland)

Step #1.....Walk up and down the locker room stairway.....In 1972 I ran up these steps full of hope.....and I also walked down these steps full of despair....




Locker Room Stairs

Step # 2....Stand under the basket where both of my unpleasant "moments" took place....."THAT NIGHT"......."Hey 25, You're Ugly......



 

Oh my....there it is......"THE" Basket


Step #3...Walk around the entire basketball court and relive the events of "THAT NIGHT".....it was very eerie to be all alone in this place....the arena looked smaller than I remembered.....permanent chair back seats had replaced the bleachers....the place actually looked much nicer....the Zumbrota bench was located about half way up the left side of the picture shown below...lots of memories raced through my mind....all still in living color....





This is the place....it all happened here

 
Step 4.....Go to the spot where I was standing as the final buzzer sounded......

It was over for me right here



Step 5....View the area where the final moments of the game took place.......



     Chance to tie the game happened here....... 





FAST FORWARD 4 YEARS IN MY MIND..............

Step # 6.....Stand at the free throw line where the heckling took place......listen for the echos of my critic's voice...

My view from the free throw line

Step 7.....Go look at the area where the heckler was sitting.....I never did identify the person who yelled at me but I do know approximately where he was sitting.....about 5 rows up and just to the left of the steps...





Heckler Heaven


Step 8..... Go to center court...look to the ceiling......close my eyes......concentrate.......let it all go........

SUDDENLY IT HAPPENED.......I felt the demons leave my body.....I was finally free....my mind was completely cleansed.......it was OVER!!!

I believe that the demons returned to their original home located somewhere in the rafters of the Skogland Athletic Center....waiting to infect some unsuspecting high school or college basketball player in the future.

The demons return home again

I completed my 8 step exorcism in approximately 10 minutes and during that entire time I never saw one other person in the building........quite amazing.... kind of spooky in a way.... couldn't have drawn it up any better.... now I know how a burglar must feel after he pulls off the perfect heist.....felt like I should be wiping my finger prints off the door handles....

As you can tell my exorcism was much simpler than the versions shown in the movies.....the only time my head was spinning was when I was driving through campus and looking at the very attractive co-eds.

In summary......I'm much better now......(as long as I keep taking my meds)