Most golfers have stories about the interesting things that have happened to them on a golf course. These stories often times are about some incredible shot, an absolutely awful shot, an embarrassing situation or something funny that happened to them while they were playing. Well, I'm no different than every other golfer....I've got my story to tell....and I think mine is a "classic".
Even though my story is close to 15 years old, I don't think it ever gets too old to tell. I must have told it over 50 times by now and the reaction is always the same......amazement and plenty of laughter.
I figured that I needed to get this story into my "prattle" so I can reference it when I'm too old to remember the details. This story is of course much better when I tell it but this will be the official electronic version that is now officially documented and is on record,
Over the years this tale has been simply called "Dean and Sheila".......
General Background Information....
-Story took place in the mid 1990's during an annual golf trip to Sarasota, FL in March
-Steve Hinrichs, Mark Anderson, Paul Bucher, Bruce Schliep and me made the trip.
-7 day stay on Siesta Key...golf and the beach dominate our schedule
Story Background Information....
-Our crew is playing the second round of 18 holes of the day...afternoon round
-Our group of 5 guys is split into a threesome and a twosome...course doesn't allow fivesomes.
-The twosome is Bucher/ Peterson...referred to as the (BP) group
-The threesome is Hinrichs/Anderson/Schliep (HAS)..referred to as the (HAS) group
-Our two groups are joined by other golfers in order to have 2 foursomes
-This story provides 9 great quotes that have lived on within our group for all of these years
-These quotes are still often repeated when we are playing golf together.
Details and highlights of the story.....
-A woman joins the HAS group and fills out their foursome....she appears to be an excellent golfer and a very nice person.....things look good for the HAS group....their group tees off first...
-Things would not be so good for the BP group....on the first tee the BP group meets their partners named Dean & Sheila....a married couple in their 50's.....they appear and to come from money.....Dean has sort of New Jersey like.accent...Sheila says nothing and appears to be the classic "kept" wife...country clubs, shopping and lunches with "the girls" appear to fill her day.
-As BP awaited to tee off the usual small talk is noticeably absent with Dean and Sheila......no introductions...no typical questions.....where are you from?.... where are you staying?....how long are you staying?...etc....just uncomfortable silence.
-Sheila finally breaks the silence and says they are from Connecticut....
-Dean who has not said a word finally says something and it became memorable quote #1 (said with a harsh and condescending tone)
1. "My god, have you two guys ever heard of sun screen?"
-Needless to say BP did look like the classic sunburned Minnesotans in Florida...but his comment and his' tone was a surprise....normally people are so friendly on a golf course.....at least now we knew the kind of guy we were playing with....a basic jerk!!...the fun was just beginning however....
-It immediately became obvious that Sheila couldn't play a lick.....her very wild swing resulted in nothing but ground balls going about 20 yards....I assumed she had to try and play golf just to justify their country club membership.....
-Our first impressions of Dean were confirmed when he continually criticized poor Sheila after her bad shots (which were all of her shots).....this situation created memorable quotes #2, #3 and #4 that were said over and over throughout the round...memorable because of how many times he said them and Sheila's reaction (said in a very whiny and frustrated tone)...the key to appreciating his quotes is hear how he dragged out her name with his accent....i.....
2. "Sheeeeeeeela, what the hell are you doing?"
3. "Sheeeeeela, keep your head down, watch the ball".
-Sheila's reaction to this criticism also added to the fun....she obviously had heard all of this criticism before....she amazed BP by her ability to totally ignore everything Dean said....she acted like he wasn't even there.....no reaction....no response.......nothing......it appeared to be a wonderful marriage built on love and respect for one another..
-Shelia did have a problem with seeing where her ball went after she took her wild swings....she never knew where her ball was after she hit it.....she was always looking up in the air for her ball and of course it had never left the ground...after every shot Sheila would say what has become memorable quote #5:
5. "Where did I go?"
-This of course drove Dean nuts....(of course he wouldn't help her find her ball...ever).....the situation also started to drive me nuts so I made a point of watching every one of Sheila's shots went....... I Sheila's official spotter..... I could now always answer her question with......"It's about 15 yards in front of you."....the only variation of my answer was that it was to her right or to her left.
-Play was very slow that day so the my group was always able to watch the HAS group hit their approach shots to the green....the slow play of course made Dean especially cranky...(if it's possible to more cranky than he already was when we teed off)......to make matters worse the HAS group was not playing very well that afternoon.....Dean is not a happy man....he can't believe what he is seeing.....
-On the 4th hole the HAS group had some trouble hitting their approach shots over some water.....(no names will be used in order to protect the guilty).... a summary of the first player's shots.....pop-up in the water.....line-drive in the water....ground ball in the water.....(can you say Tin Cup?)...this is followed player #2 also putting one in the drink......
-After watching the HAS group's trouble with the water Dean is now ready to explode.....his anger provided two classic quotes that are priceless quotes #6 and #7 (said in a very angry tone )
6. "How many "eggs" do your buddies go through in day?"
7. "Your buddies should have brought fishing poles instead of golf clubs, this is ridiculous."
-Needless to say golf balls have been called "eggs" by our group since that day....fishing pole references are now made when someone hits one in the water.......
-Later in the round we mention that this was our second round of 18 for the day at this particular golf course....BP proudly state that this course really has a great deal....the second round of 18 is free, all you have to pay for is the cart.......upon hearing this Dean couldn't resist giving us memorable quote #8
8. "The way you guys go through "eggs" are you sure you come out ahead?"
-OUCH....now that really hurt!
-On the 8th hole it appears the green is open for the Dean to hit his approach shot....the green is clear and it appears that the HAS group has finished playing the hole....just as Dean is about hit his shot out from the trees comes the HAS group.....they weren't done with hole after all....they were back in the trees buying beer from the cart girl.....
-Dean now has a major meltdown....utters several profanities and throws his club high into the air...(quotes can't be printed)....BP are speechless....and now very fearful of what Dean will do next.
-In the meantime Dean has continued to badger Sheila about her playing ability..... she still continues to ignore him....she's amazing.....how does she do it?.....ear plugs?...
-We reach the 9th tee box and Sheila's ball still hasn't been off of the ground....(unless you count when she puts it on a tee)......one of the greatest "worm burner" exhibitions that BP have ever witnessed.
-As Sheila hacks her way down the 9th fairway Dean walks ahead and goes up to his ball on the green.....in most cases Dean walked ahead and just let Sheila have the cart as she worked her way to the green.
-The following sequence of events were all happening very fast and virtually at same time....as you will soon see, the stars, sun and moon were all aligned....karma was at work....almost magical....
-Sheila is 20 yards from the green and she winds up and takes her usual wild swing....
-Dean is on the green bending over to mark his ball......
-I am standing right behind Dean on the green
-As I look down towards Sheila I suddenly see that for the first time all day her ball is airborne
-Sheila's ball is a real screamer....a low line drive coming at the green at a high rate of speed
-Not only is Sheila's ball headed for the green, it is coming directly at Dean
-I quickly yell "look out" ........
-Dean who was leaning over as he marked his ball reacts to my warning and looks up...
-As Dean looks up...WHACK!!!...BANG!!!...yes, the ball drills Dean in the middle of his forehead!!!!
-Dean goes down like he has been shot....MAN DOWN!!!!
-Sheila's ball careens off Dean's head and off the green
-Sheila holds true to form as she walks up onto the green and says "Where did I go? "
-Sheila is totally oblivious to the fact that she has plunked Dean with her ball
-In the meantime Dean gathers himself, picks himself off the ground and says absolutely nothing
-I am biting my tongue and doing everything possible to not burst out laughing
-It was so perfect....Sheila getting her revenge....drilling Dean and finally shutting him up
-Dean does not answer me when I ask him if he is alright.....he was in a total funk.....
-I tell Sheila where her ball is and we finish the hole....
-Sheila left the green and still had no idea what had happened......amazing!!!
-The four of us are now heading for the 10th tee on our carts and Dean suddenly turns and goes in the wrong direction.....heading to the clubhouse instead of the next tee box...
-I yell at Dean and tell him he is going the wrong way....and then Dean gives me memorable quote #9 as he is driving off in the distance.....Dean yells and his voice trails off as he is driving away...
9. "WE'RE DONE!!!!!!
-Paul Bucher and I play the second 9 holes by ourselves and we don't stop laughing until the next day....it was an unbelievable story....one that I knew I would tell over and over.....now it's officially in print....documented for the ages.....never to be forgotten.....
